#do i even need to clarify it
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#mspaint mouse doodlie#a mood as ive been coming out of my shell more and talking to people lately#(says something nice) (feels the need to clarify that i'm not flirting even though there's no reason to assume i was in the first place)#(tries to make a post about art being unable to be judged objectively) (writes 6+ paragraphs in my notes before condensing it to post)#this isnt me trying to be self deprecating btw i just know i do this :.] bc if i'm misunderstood i'll die.#oc: cow#fursona#furry#my art
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The way I SPRINTED to my computer to make this the second Risky showed me this textpost
#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#nandor the relentless#Nandor#Autistic Nandor the Relentless#Autismposting#deadass i didnt even have time to rip HD screenshots I needed to get this baby OUT#a more Nandor ass post has never before been made#Obviously Nandor doesn't know wtf Autism is bc hes a nearly 800 year old vampire#In my mind tho Colin Robinson called him Autistic once and Nandor just assumed it was a complimentary adjective akin to Awesome or Majestic#'Guillermo which of these capes makes me look more Autistic?'#'Guillermo is that not the most Autistic painting of a horse you have ever seen?'#Colin Robinson wasn't saying it as an insult also just to clarify#Just as like#a neutral descriptor#which obviously applies to Nandor#Risky I love you and your brain it is huge and wrinkly
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AvM fandom is this accurate-
(pls don't burn me at the stake)
#sorry for the brainrot language:')#they are so silly your honor#I can explain#they evoke child-like joy in me#this is all lighthearted btw#do i even need to clarify it?#/joke#THEY TOOK AWAY HIS WHIMSY#THE SPARKLE IN HIS EYES#avm#animation vs minecraft#alan becker#the second coming#avm green#avm blue#avm yellow#avm red#sadly I can't add things like green being a child prodigy#the cannibalism thing is a one-off joke from a short lol#you know if you know#may or may not have taken inspiration from a banger alan becker documentary#don't follow me if ur a avm/ava fan btw:(#cuz ur feed gonna get bombarded by tadc shipart#unless you're into that👀
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Suddenly remembered something I wanted to say re:Akechi, because I think it's really core to his character (at least the way I interpreted him?) and I feel like it explains a lot of his contradictions. Essentially, he is incapable of seeing himself as just a person - he's either the greatest hero/detective ever, or he's some violent monster, and it's like there's no in-between. It's very in keeping with his obvious superiority-inferiority complex, but it goes deeper than that too; when he's in a role, it seems like his self-perception kind of changes too depending on how he is perceived by others. He really does get a confidence boost from being the Detective Prince. He really does shut down emotionally as the Black Mask.
They're masks that he's made, and it's not that aspects of them aren't based in truth to some extent, but I think it goes to show why he's not actually that fantastic a liar (imo, I found the outright lies pretty obvious), but he is a very good actor. He's either an angel or a demon, and never a person, but there are conditions to that. He is an angel when he is perfect - to society. He is a demon when he is vengeful - again, to society. He is never a person, because he never was seen as one - to society. He was disregarded. To be anything of value or notoriety, whether that's hero or villain, he has to be wildly more or less than who he actually is, and he's been building these masks up for so long that I really think he lost sight of the actual person behind it all. And I don't think he wanted to see that person anyways, because that person "wasn't good enough" and I do think he'd rather be anything other than himself. That trickery, that deflection from the person within, in itself brings him pride and satisfaction. He wants to be loved and needed instead of being cast aside, but I also think that if he can't have that then he'd much rather be hated than never have mattered at all. He weaponizes his own loneliness - if he can't ever be accepted then he'll build his own pedestal apart from everyone else.
It's so fascinating too, because I just wonder how much of this he was consciously aware of pre, during, and post engine room. There's this recurring thing with him where he goes "I can only be myself" etc but I just want to shake him because, well, who is that, Akechi??? Or, who do you think that is? Do you actually have an answer? Is it predicated on your actual feelings or solely on your success at fooling everyone around you? Is there any part of you that you actually like that isn't based on a painstakingly constructed mask? Isn't it all mostly lies to deflect from the truth? Isn't it all founded mostly on truth, nonetheless?
It drives me insane. And I think this is a big reason why he breaks so hard in the engine room, because so much of his mask requires his "audience" to perform in a particular way. And here he is, and the Thieves have beaten him, so there goes the first mask, because he's no longer "perfect". He swings wildly into the ugliest sides of him, but this mask is broken too, amidst him vehemently and desperately denying that he has any other emotions than hatred and rage, or any other needs or desires than vengeance. And after that, it's just him. And they should reject him, right? That's what happens. He's not useful, he's not needed or perfect, his hands are stained with blood. But the Thieves, again, don't play the role he expects them to. They, despite everything, relate to him - because he is in fact very similar in a lot of ways and they acknowledge him as a person - not a hero, or idol, or villain, or tool, or unwanted child - but as a damaged teen like the rest of them. And he does not know what to do with that. His identity is intrinsically dependent on getting the right reactions from other people as a form of ingratiating himself - if he does not get that reciprocal reaction he's looking for, his act falters, and, I really do believe that so does his self-perception. That's why you see different aspects of him seep out when he's spending time with Joker, because Joker does not react the way he expects, and Akechi both does and does not like this, because it leaves him feeling both intrigued and vulnerable.
I do think this particular aspect of his character is something a lot of the Thieves don't fully grasp - certainly, I think Joker "I need the mask" Persona 5 understands to a degree, but the sheer degree of reliance and the level of pride attached to it is something that confuses him a little, I think, especially in Mementos Mission. I think the thief that comes closest is actually Morgana, who has a similar superiority-inferiority complex and a desperate need to be seen as competent and useful lest he be discarded. (This is a big part of why the rather lackluster writing with Morgana's arc frustrates me so much because I really do feel it was meant to be contrasted with Akechi's, but I digress.) Morgana is the one to make that emotional appeal to Akechi, which makes a degree of sense - Morgana struggled all along with finding a place in the world. His form leads others to underestimate him; he visually doesn't fit in. He's acting out the role of a chivalrous and cool phantom thief but is more pragmatic with how he views relationships, at least at first. He wants a place to belong where he is appreciated more than anything but his pride won't let him spit it out. Accepting that he belongs and that he is loved even if he really did have nothing of value to provide is a big part of the resolution of his arc. He tries to offer that learned lesson to Akechi in turn ("Follow your true feelings. Even if you think people hate you, or don't want you around-"), but Akechi just wasn't in the right space to listen. There's also an important distinction between the two - Morgana envies humans and looks up to them. Akechi envies humans and looks down on them. Morgana is perfectly happy once he is assured a place amongst the group, but Akechi see-saws wildly between wanting to belong and wanting to be a step above the rest and separating himself further. So while Morgana actually really did cut to the core of the issue, his appeal would never have worked at this point because a) Akechi's pride is dependent on him maintaining his solo act, and b) he just got outed as not actually hating Joker in front of seven other people including Joker himself lmao.
So, uh, sorry, Morgana. Points for trying.
#oh no this got long again hfdsjfshbf#anyways i do have more akechi thoughts wrt parallels with other characters but i think i should stop bc i keep talking about him#and it's probably annoying#also i should probably wait to see what he's like in third semester because it seems like he's taking a lead role here#and he's definitely changed so i'm curious to see who he is now#storyrambles#does this even make sense. idk.#what a fascinating character. i can't stand him. i hope he gets lovingly dunked on for the rest of time.#story plays persona 5#p5r#goro akechi#p5 meta#p5 morgana#call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective.#<-i feel the need to clarify on any post involving akechi that this is my standard analysis tag that has nothing to do with him#i am not a kinnie i don't think i could take that
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some of the less nice thoughts about being aroace
extras below the cut
sketch
closeups on my favorite panels
bonus: adios
#doodles#kingdom hearts#roxas#axel#olette#aromantic#asexual#aroace#do i tag pence. hes in the background of one panel#ehhhh sorry pence no tag for you#also not tagging soriku and namixi#i mean by the logic of 'theyre in one panel so i wont tag them' i also shouldnt tag axel but. he has dialogue so#anyways i have a very irrational love of olette whenever i need a random side character in a kh comic? olette#i think she uses webmd. anyways im done talking about olette#so let me clarify about this comic#im aroace. this is all just things ive thought before#im not saying in any way these thoughts are real. theyre just thoughts#thats why it ends with 'but there isnt. its just me.' there IS nothing wrong with being aroace. even if it feels like it sometimes#im not trying to send a message im just trying to express a feeling ive had for a while#anyways. the aroace community is super positive and i like that. but not everything i feel about it is that positive#sometimes it feels like im missing something yknow#this comic seems like its about roxas. but its about me. congrats youve been fooled#drafted something similar to this for aro week but didnt finish it in time so this is spiritually part of asaw 2024#btw sorry im not posting as many drawings lately#schools kinda stressful im pretty tired and busy most the time#i am throwing this drawing to you like a slab of meat to a pack of hungry dogs. take this meager ration in these trying times#alright i think thats it bye now
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What if I straight up didn't explain myself? What if I just said trust me on this? Would you?
#fe warriors three hopes#mercedes von martritz#miklan anschutz gautier#we really only need to clarify this is STRICTLY warriors miklan and i think ive already condemned myself but i accept it#i am very sorry but the person i usually would talk to about rare pairs has been a bit busy so i couldnt go to them to get it out that way#so art is the only way i have you have to understand its not my fault (its my fault)#did you guys know i reset the azure gleam map three times before googling the chapter where he dies to try and save him#no i dont think he deserves to be pardoned for what hes done but i liked that w3h gave him a small chance to be better FOR HIMSELF#no i dont think he should simply be forgiven for everything he did but i do like that he was given humanity and how#he was still not a good guy but damn you guys i think about that npc sometimes#who says that they admired him becoming something despite being a criminal bc if miklan can do it whats stopping them from being better ?#like that npc stuck with me a while ok#just ......... there are a lot of thoughts here that i dont think many of you care to read even in tags so ill stop now#i will say the canvas is saved as speed run to cancellation lesgo
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shut up im coping
#do i even need to spoiler tag this?#yknow what. yeah. im gonna rant anyway#wild life smp#life series spoilers#wild life spoilers#GET HER OUT OF THAT TEAM. GIRL PLEASE BETRAY THEM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU SHOULDNT BE THERE#this isnt even me being high on gempearl anymore i wanted her to be with jimmy or skizz and then impulse and just. the blue man jumpscare#and to clarify this is pure character talk. i just. girl your character arc#girl your character arc its on the floor#the scene where they talk about her trauma from dl…i think im gonna combust#shut up. shut up please im smoking copium#i want this team to fall apart so bad. like good for you if youre happy with this but. augh#anyway Lizzie pov was very silly very fun i might just become a Lizzie main this season/j#mcyt#and yes. i am nothing if not dedicated to the bit so i am finding shiny duo screenshots for every ep like last time
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as a native chinese, i feel like some of yall are taking the gods in lego monkie kid a bit too seriously. i understand why it feels iffy to ship / make silly content of deities that people worship irl (eg. nezha, sun wukong) but it’s a phenomenon on chinese social media too. c-netizens ship the fictionalized versions of these gods, which the gods of lego monkie kid are. they aren’t the actual gods people worship; they’re slightly tweaked versions of the book characters, just like any other chinese adaptation or retelling of jttw (and such stories like fsyy) also, no, nezha isn’t a child, in lmk or jttw or sometimes irl. just because he’s often depicted in child form doesn’t make him an immortal child. eros / cupid is often depicted as a winged baby, and he has a wife and kids. it’s basically the same thing here. nothing in lmk suggests that nezha is a child (his voice, his appearance, his personality etc. all imply he is an adult), and while he’s described as youthful in jttw, he’s already 1700+ years old by then and gods can shapeshift. people only think he’s an immortal baby because that’s a popular depiction of him, since one of his prominent myths is set during his childhood. but as long as you’re talking about the god nezha (fictionalized or the religious figure) and not the human child nezha, then that’s an adult [edit: the last sentence couldve been worded better. i would summarize it as “immortal youth nezha is a valid depiction and is popularized by mythology, but adult god nezha exists too and they are NOT mutually exclusive”]
#i’m not even here for shipping discourse ie. “you can’t ship nezha w anyone cuz he’s a child!”#i dont ship him with anyone that’s never been my focus#i just dislike misinformation#if you understand that cupid and eros are adult gods despite often being depicted as babies then why don’t you understand this#and in case i need to clarify i hate pr*sh*pping i dont support it#the fact is that any lmk nezha ship simply isn’t a pr*sh*p because he’s a full grown man#never once in the show does he act or sound like a child so why is this such a widespread belief??#i’d get it if the show was about him as a child going on his killing spree#but lmk is clearly set millennia after that#also abt the “dont ship deities” thing i understand seeing non-cn fans treat chinese gods like fairytale characters is frustrating#but to me since lmk characters aren’t very accurate to their real life religious counterparts they are not the same ppl#like i see swk fanart and think “swk the lmk character” and not “swk the daoist god” yknow#but that’s only my opinion i wont say i’m totally right i won’t argue if you’re daoist or buddhist and find it offensive#lego monkie kid#lmk#jttw#journey to the west#lmk nezha#lmk swk#lmk sun wukong#age discourse#immortal child depictions of nezha do exist that doesn’t mean the god is always a child#and in FICTION. yknow SHOWS and STORIES. not worship. if the story says he’s an adult then that’s what he is#so like. statue of baby nezha = baby#statue of adult nezha = adult. it does not mean every single depiction of nezha is a child#don’t generalize things and do not infantalize him
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i found a god awful doc about this one person (who, too, is a god awful being) trying to reason why mudClaw would be a bad leader. I'ma try to find the doc but meanwhile I'll submit this because someone could have the link, I'll need your honest thought about it bcs why are we defending oneWhiker now
Anon, buddy, I'm gonna have to sit you down and gently discourage you from casually calling random human people "god awful beings" in my inbox like this. Not when you're just talking about relatively basic media analysis. That isn't ok or normal.
I hope that when I speak harshly, it's coming from a place of condemning hurtful actions and the tangible harm that they cause. I don't appreciate people trying to get me to directly beef with other people directly by requesting I break down their individual posts or analysis documents (when I ask for people to share links, it's so I can see and prepare to counter the ideas because they usually "float downstream" if they get popular); but in a second ask, you linked this document and there's nothing harmful in it. In fact, it's got a far more neutral tone than I'd take if I was writing an analysis about Mudclaw.
If you couldn't tell the difference between a document like this and one that contains active abuse apologia rhetoric, I would be filled with concern. But I don't think you read it. I think you maybe skimmed it and stopped reading, or just heard the title.
Because this document literally says this;
and your takeaway, something you felt so strongly about that you came to me hoping I'd validate it, was "Why Are We Defending Onewhisker Now."
Art is a tool we can use to explore our own biases, and teach us something about ourselves. That overwhelming sense of anger and disgust that you probably felt when you saw "Mudclaw Would Be A Bad Leader" made you jump to an emotional conclusion and you assumed something that was not said. I know the feeling. You might have had a reactionary impulse.
You are not a bad person for doing that-- you're human. You can grow.
Why did it upset you this much, though? Is there something very personal about this that set you off? ...are you spending a lot of time in spaces online that keep you angry? These are questions for you to reflect with.
I do not know the owner of this document or "what they've done," if anything, so I will not link it, because their Discord is at the bottom of the doc. If they are truly a "god awful being", please do not engage, just block and move on. Nothing is accomplished by following around 'A Bad Guy' and boosting their cat takes.
But something VERY bad WOULD be accomplished if I indulged an anon for a situation I know nothing about and unwittingly became part of a harassment campaign. How do I know that you've got good intentions?
I usually just delete unsolicited links to docs and videos that are 'fightbaiting' like this-- trying to get me to beef publicly with a 3rd person. But I've seen more of these than usual lately so I would like to try and cool it down.
#Those are genuine mindfulness questions btw. i always mean it when I ask people to reflect.#And sometimes you DO have a good and legitimate answer to them#Sometimes the thing that is personal about it is that they are spreading harmful ideas or being bigoted.#But you need to learn to be specific about What the harmful idea is.#And How it is harmful.#bone babble#I'm also going to be clarifying this over in the ask etiquette because I don't want this place to turn into a drama blog.#This is not about saying that I won't comment on fandom discussions or ppl can't ask my opinions on things#It's that we can talk about the ideas without demonizing some guy about it#God Awful Doc from a God Awful Being is not even remotely an ok thing to say in this inbox when i know nothing about anyone involved#it DOES kinda concern me that The Youths seem to have 'BAD PERSON' as part of their lexicon#im seeing the sentiment in a looooot of places lately and that does actually scare me#My partner halfjokes with me that everyone should be made to take a mandatory 5 hour class on Splitting before being allowed online#and by 'halfjoke' I mean 'halflife' because it becomes 50% more correct every single day
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you’re so art deco out on the floor shining like gun metal cold and unsure baby you’re so ghetto you’re looking to score when they all say ‘hello’ you try to ignore them cause you want more, why? you want more, why?
made a sim for @acuar-io’s decades challenge on discord!!
#ts4#s4#simblr#sims 4#ts4 simblr#s4 simblr#the sims 4#my sims:#i feel like i could be off by a few years but i intended for her to be a flapper girl from the 1920s#i should've downloaded a cigarette holder or something but i forgot whoops#i downloaded other cc for men in the 1920s#cause i wanted to make nick carraway and jay gatsby.. obviously in love because i think the great gatsby is a thinly veiled queer classic#like nick carraway is so bisexual.. but you know i also have this disease where i need to force homoeroticism into everything everywhere#i feel like i should clarify that i mean the great gatsby book. not the movie. never seen it. i do not like leonardo decaprio#okay i'm done cause that's not what this post was even about.. i like reading my bad
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"proship dni" this, "comship dni" that, "neutral dni" unfortunately the people you don't like are still human and deserve comfort. my fucking god shut the hell up you're just as annoying as they are and protest WAY too much about it. go unlearn your purity morality shit
#i dont even KNOW what comship means man#but im so tired of reading every instance of this under the sun with every post about selfshipping#like you realize a good CHUNK of the selfshipping community is going to BE them because they're already otherwise normally ostracized from#their communities for other reasons including being neurodivergent.#they deserve comfort too good lord shut the fuck up with the holier-than-thou “i'm better than you” attitude you're really fucking not and#frankly i'm more suspicious of people like you having something to hide about what they like and dislike#i'm neither pro nor anti nor neutral i'm just a human fucking being that stopped giving a shit about stuff that truly does not matter and#won't affect me in the long run. i'm an adult with more serious things to worry about.#it's like seeing the damn “dni” banners everywhere You Are Annoying.#also it's not like i like anything particularly 'heinous' anyways or pedophilic and i shouldn't need to clarify this but apparently i do!#i'm just sick of this purity culture bullshit i REALLY am#whether u want to hear this or not it is queerphobic and ableist. do u understand? cool.#proship#comship#f/o#selfship#selfshipping
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ok this is a deeply deeply weird manifesto and i'm sorry but i feel suddenly very burdened to say it so. if you felt like we were friends and i unfollowed you, this is for you. (don't be scared this is not about problems with anyone this is just my mess. that I think is ok to have which is why I'm talking about it)
so I joined tumblr in 2020 when a) the world was isolated b) I had just moved to a new city and was living alone taking Zoom classes in my apartment. what started as a mindless distraction became such a lifeline of connection and friendship! and still such a support as things started to open back up and get busier in 2021, when I was teaching and in class in person but still struggling for close in-person friendships. I know the group dynamic on here has shifted a number of times, as some of you probably experienced from various vantage points. my use of tumblr has shifted too, on and off, as I've needed different things out of it and been in different spiritual and emotional states. and I've kind of come to realize that I probably threw myself in too eagerly in some ways. it was so exciting to have actual friends on here and for them to actually turn into friends in person, that honestly I maybe prized that dynamic too much for what it symbolized over actually valuing the people. I'm sorry for doing that.
anyway, that worked fine for a bit, but as (glory be to God) I've become much more plugged into my in-person community in the last couple years, I've felt more and more emotionally strained. I've taken up a new attitude towards my family that's much more in line with God, but also much more draining as it means I have to just pour out in prayer and love and wait with patient sorrow over some things rather than fighting and defending my perspective as always right and necessary; and then there's the church-related grief my family has gone through over the last year. I've had a very delicate and difficult friendship that pulled up a lot of unresolved stuff from a college situation and felt endlessly wearying at times. I've had another issue from college recur in a way I thought had been healthily resolved years ago. I've had this whole roommate marriage situation that as y'all know is a very weird trial and pressure. My church has been dealing with a strange and tough ongoing struggle that was already stressing me out before I started working there. My small group has been amazing and I've loved connecting with and relying on them more, but that connection also means more fully bearing the griefs of a lot of different people dealing with the different struggles of life. My advisor situation has been so weird and tough, making my academic work really hard, and then this recent church work has been fulfilling but physically and often mentally exhausting. My future location, work, and community is up in the air after a few years of stability. (I really didn't mean to make this a recitation of my woes, but honestly it's really helpful to see it all written out here; helps explain my deep deep exhaustion, I guess.)
If I ever followed you on tumblr, I love you. In a number of different ways. I feel fondness at the thought of you and at your presence; I want to know you more fully; I desire the good for you; and I find my well-being to be, at least a little bit, tied up with yours. That last one is the rub. As I'm sorting through all the callings and duties in my life, trying to identify what counts as changing my tires versus what wears my tires out, I've found that my tumblr dashboard can switch back and forth very unpredictably between one thing and the other. Often it's a delight to come on here and find my friends and the cool things we're showing each other and the joys and sorrows and goofy moments of our lives! But at other times, when what I desperately need is an escape and rest and humor to provide solace from in-person cares, I find myself pricked all over again by the sorrow of the world and the stress of sin--or even just irritated by stuff I find irrelevant or disagree with or don't want to be reminded of.
To be clear, I'm not saying anyone's doing anything wrong on here. The opposite; I love the freedom y'all have to seek out what helps you, whether that's a lot of facts and ideas or a lot of goofy content or recipes or weird TV or music or venting about life or seeking prayer or advice! We all have the freedom and responsibility to determine how to use the tools we have to aid us in pursuing the good, whether the good is a quick laugh or building up virtue. But I think for me, at this point in my life, my duty and calling has swung back towards my in-person connections in a variety of ways, and I have to honor that.
The lie of infinity that the internet offers is just that--a lie. for me, that lie right now is being laid bare in my inability to have infinite care for everyone whose path I cross. I could follow everyone on here whom I'm endeared to, could keep messaging and replying and building relationships, but it would be a lie to think I can offer that love and care to everyone I would like to. In-person friendships are limited by physical proximity and time; online friendships can't be unlimited either. I need to apologize for acting as though they could be, and committing myself beyond my limits; but also, my life has really changed, and I'm not going to be caught either by the lie that online is only worthwhile if it's permanent.
I want to be clear that I value the connections I've had with you. I've loved exchanging mail and phone calls, messaging fun things back and forth, being online at the same time or learning about your day after the fact. Please know, also, that I have gone to war in prayer for you, and I continue to do so. I wish that I knew how to love widely without feeling pulled apart and worn down, by difference and sorrow and sin (mine and yours). I hope God is sanctifying me toward that end. But right now I'm fairly convinced I need to honor my calling to in-person friendships; I need to protect my mind and heart from even little pricks and distractions, so that I can keep my desires in order and use my energy for prayer and Scripture and to do good work and love the people God's made my physical neighbors. I really do love you, and I wish we had infinite time to talk and think together. I'm so excited to be with y'all in heaven forever. And who knows--maybe my life will shift yet again (it's looking likely) and I'll have a ton of spare energy and love and will come sheepishly back looking to connect with you again. We'll see. You deserve love and attention and connection, in person and online, and I'm sorry that--at least as it feels to me--I held out the promise of giving you that and then had to withdraw it.
so. there's all that. My dash is super quiet these days, thwarting my dopamine search but pushing me towards texting friends, towards meditating more fully on Scripture, towards praying over my work and burdens. I hope you can understand and maybe even be glad that, God willing, this is how I'm able and needing to work for the kingdom right now. love you love you
#wow! that was crazy!!!! at least this is the neurotic overthinking website#so i hope you can not neurotically overthink what you did to make me unfollow you. and instead rest in our mutual finitude#the other day i had the experience of clarifying with a friend that i'm her best friend but she's not mine. in almost so many words.#(she asked who i'm closest to and i named a couple people here and away. then i asked her and she named a couple people and me)#she got teary but didn't have an anxiety meltdown which is huge progress for her! and we kind of acknowledged the difficulty and moved on#and kept hanging out and texting and loving each other#super weird experience but kind of like a lightning bolt of realizing things i've been intending for a while#we have to give each other the dignity of making choices even when the choices aren't each other. on a social level#we have a higher calling! all of us do! it sucks when the social stuff gets weird but we shouldn't let the weirdness distract from the call#and frankly once you start choosing the call over the world then the world's structures stop being at all compelling#for a neutral tool tumblr can be quite amazingly powerful for the Lord#but it is of the world and runs on some lies and i've hit a breaking point where i needed to confront those lies before i kept going#anyway. the point is. I LOVE YOU. and God has told me I have more urgent loves right now.#what an insane post to be making !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#oh wait edit to add! just to be clear i'm not trying to say don't message/reply/send stuff to me!#if i have to set a boundary i will but things are fine. just needing to reduce the dashboard noise#i highly recommend setting online boundaries btw. it's so much easier than stewing and stressing and wondering if blocking is justified#to just message someone and say ''hey you're doing nothing wrong but this way of interacting bugs me so please stop''#(which i've done only to followers never to people i follow. yet.)
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one thing that always gets me whenever i read inuyasha modern au fics is that inuyasha is supposedly "the slacker" or the guy who doesn't try hard on anything academia related, and that always struck me as odd bc you're telling me inuyasha wouldn't be competing with, say, koga for rank 1? that he wouldn't study his ass off in the subjects he's actually interested in? that he wouldn't pour his everything into extracurriculars he cares about? he has his aloof moments in canon but ultimately he's a hard worker and i think that trait should be reflected in aus!
plus if we're thinking about the setting here, inuyasha's canon behavior is greatly influenced by his upbringing (and later lack thereof). putting him in an environment (modern au, lack of youkai discrimination) where his talents are cultivated instead of looked down upon would give us a very different character. it's always interesting to me whenever i see canon-typical inuyasha behavior in an au where his mom is alive because it suggests that his mistrust and gruff behavior are just part of his personality and not largely a result of childhood events. i feel like modern aus are an opportunity to see how he might have grown if not for the death of his mother + father & the consistent threat looming over him as a child. what would his personality be like then? how would his first meeting with kagome go considering that? his dynamics with his older brother? his goals? it's something that could be explored in a fic taking place in the feudal realm but it's kind of difficult to just subtract the discrimination aspect that comes with that setting...just things to think abt ig!
#also saw a reblog so IM CLEARING MY NAME LMAO#koga would not even be in the top five#he was just the first person who came up when i thought of inuyasha competing w someone lol#also needs to be said that i haven't read that many modern au fics#probably because i'm not the biggest fan of em#but this is just smth i noticed from the ones i read#i also see a lot of miroku and inuyasha being besties in these fics#which isn't bad or anything but i feel like he'd be friends with sango before miroku since they seem to mesh better#also to clarify i am NOT hating on fics that do any of the things i mentioned#headcanons are headcanons and ppl should have fun!#this is just my opinion lol take it with a grain of salt#i've only ever written like three inuyasha fics and haven't even finished the manga so i'm no expert on his character#anyway enough of my rambling#inuyasha#inuyasha a feudal fairy tale#inuyasha meta#inumeta#sango inuyasha#koga inuyasha#kagome higurashi#miroku inuyasha
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All of Nadja's outfits in the WWDITS premiere (5.1 + 5.2)
#what we do in the shadows#nadja of antipaxos#wwdits s5 spoilers#her costumes were absolutely on point as always#I think they have a really good balance of integrating new stuff while also having established pieces of their wardrobes#because there's amazing new stuff but also i can be like ''oh that's the dress from the werewolf kickball episode!!''#seeing them rewear stuff makes the world feel a little more grounded (so all the Not grounded in reality stuff is even funnier)#also i always feel the need to clarify that I am so new at this and I know there's plenty of stuff I still need to learn#there's so many amazing giffers for this fandom who create incredible sets and i always worry it's presumptuous to post my stuff#when it's still very much a work in progress#which is probably me overthinking it a bit skdjksd anyway#im realizing that the first two may in fact be. the exact same dress and i just cant see asdjksjd#but it's too late now oh well. at least the hair changed
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Mawkin children undergo several maturity rites before they're granted full tribal citizenship. The first occurs around eight years old, involving a basic academic evaluation and the child's choice between a physical fitness test or a dream-walk.
The evals are simple: how much has the child learned, what do they know, where can we supplement their education, etc. How can we stimulate their curiosity and foster a lifelong love of learning? Have they displayed any skills or passion for any particular subject? How can we encourage their hobbies and interests? Those are the kinds of questions the adults involved in carrying out the evaluation are asking themselves.
The evaluations help parents figure out (or reaffirm what they already know) ways to engage their childrens' interests in a fun or productive way, and how to help their child along the path to success, academic or otherwise. Every child is different: they have their own needs, and while 8 years old isn't old enough for anyone to ascertain exactly what they wanna be when they grow up, the evaluation is a good starting point for the rest of their academic track until their next formative rites.
The next part of the rites is a branching path. The fitness test is typically favored by more outdoorsy or athletic types, as well as children who are afraid of specters or arent very interested in the old ways. That's fine: old people stuff can be boring! The priests go on and on about the ancestors during holidays, but you're eight years-old and you've never seen the ancestors show up before, so big whoop. You've got toys to play and things to learn.
Another general assumption is that children who are likely to grow into steadfast warriors or athletes may pick the fitness test enthusiastically and without thinking about it, but again, this is an evaluation, and the kids are like, eight. Nothing is set in stone. Eight year olds also typically love playing outside.
A number of kids, hearing about all the cool things their elders know and are capable of, or just being curious about what their ancestors might have to teach them, opt for the dream-walk.
The dream-walk involves exposure to psychoactive fumes, but is nonetheless completely safe: the kid is monitored and made as comfortable as possible.
The dream-walk is overseen by priests and doctors. The burners are lit and the trial-goer falls asleep, entering a state similar to lucid dreaming.
Everyone's experience is different. Some kids have profound surreal experiences: others spend the entire time sitting at a table with a long-dead ancestor having a meal. Some kids are shown events from the past by an old ghost: some even experience said event from the perspective of someone who was there when it happened.
For others, the dream is of an old-fashioned hunt, typically guided by a departed grandparent or neighbor. It's not unusual for Mawkin kids to have experienced the act of hunting for food or sport by this point in their lives: many who hunt take their babies out with them on their backs. The quarry during the dream-walk, however, is typically more than your mundane game beast.
Tribal scholars and doctors of psychology have posited that the dream walk largely reflects the experiences of those involved. Formative memories and strong feelings, they believe, greatly affect the appearance of conjured apparitions in the dream. If a kid is fighting any demons at eight years old or harbor any powerful fears, they may very well be forced to face them head-on during this trial.
Therein lies the value of the dream-walk: it's not just a curiosity to get the kids to engage with cultural practices of yore, it has utility in teaching children valuable lessons through experience without actually making them fight the six-eyed serpent of a hundred and seventeen mouths. And they're usually not facing it alone: the ancestors quite literally walk with plenty of kids during these trials.
There are some truths a given child must face alone, and plenty do. But when they wake, they will find themselves among familiar company, the sweet smell of wood smoke permeating the air and a feast awaiting back home to celebrate their first milestone towards becoming an adult.
Some kids don't fight any major bosses or experience the heat death of the universe through the eyes of a slug, instead deriving value from the dream-walk in the form of sensory-guided introspection. The lesson they learn may not even be apparent to them until six years down the line. It doesn't have to be deep: it can just be an experience that gives then a new perspective on the world.
The senses are heightened supremely during the dream-walk, allowing the dreamer to experience the world in a whole new way. Tasting color, feeling the vibration of every sound beneath one's skin, perceiving the shape of every smell. Even if the kid walks away thinking "huh, I've never experienced the world that way before", the trial will have been a success. In the very least, a child should come out of that dark room with a unique memory for them to examine later on.
Several minor rituals and evaluations occur around twelve and fifteen years, but the foremost citizenship rites occur around seventeen, when an individual's stomach is strong enough to handle sap wine in greater quantities without suffering catastrophic liver failure. The dream-walk is a requirement this time around, as well as a combat test. The combat test is the actual rite that determines one's status as an adult: the mandatory dream-walk occurs beforehand as a way to shed all doubts about the strength of one's resolve if they have any insecurities, and perhaps gain some personal insight in the process. Introspection assisted by psychoactive substances.
You may be wondering how those with varying degrees of disability come of age if they can't engage in the rite of combat. There are alternatives to the combat test if the participant doesn't feel able enough to fight, or otherwise can't exert themselves without experiencing undue pain and discomfort.
There are alternative rites for individuals of every combination of physical and cognitive impairment, and all are treated with the same gravity and dignity afforded to the typical rites. Poetry recitals, music, research projects, an oath of maturity: these are a few examples of things disabled Mawkin have done to establish their claim to adulthood in place of the rite of combat. An individual doesn't have to be "good" at something: they just have to show that they accept the responsibility that comes with being an adult, or are otherwise committed to their community and the tribe at large.
For some people, that commitment comes in the form of thriving to the best of their ability. Surviving to the next day, striving for tomorrow to hurt a little less than yesterday. It doesn't matter whether they can "contribute" or be a "productive member of society": all are one, and one serves all. The Mawkin take community very seriously. There's an age-old adage that says something to the effect of "if one is suffering, all are injured", and "when one is deprived of dignity, we are all cast naked face-down into the mud".
Anyways, that's how juvenile Mawkin are granted all the rights, responsibilities and privileges that come saddled with being an adult. It's worth noting that most of these rites line up with a typical Chozo's molting cycle, with the final rites occurring just as young warriors are shaking off the last loose feathers of their old coat and displaying their first (clear) adult patterns.
#mawkin#chozo#headcanons#txt#the dream-walk not only gives children a stronger bond with the honored dead#it gives them a window into the lives of the priesthood#some are intrigued by what they experience and eventually dedicate themselves to learning about and preservong the old#traditions while ushering in new waves of progress and advancement#preserving the old while welcoming the new.#i put emphasis on the old and the new bevause using drugs to see ghosts specifically is a very very old practice#some traditions evolved with technology and the Mawkin's migration to ZDR: others remained relatively untouched#most people keep some sort of house shrine or curio to honor their ancestors: only the priests and people who need advice#are getting zonked off their gourd to talk to ghosts#and most normal people aren't even given the chance to commune with the dead outside of the maturity rites#some of the blends these priests are burning would knock a grown unaccustomed warrior flat on their back#straight into concussion territory#they are not for the faint of heart.#to clarify inhaling fumes to see ghosts isn't all the priests do. but it's part of the job for a specific subset of them#the dead walk among the mawkin ans their wisdom is appreciated#priests are historicans lorekeepers and storytellers as well as dead-talkers#they're librarians and funeral directors and community hermits and warrior monks
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*skitters up to you on all fours with a bunch of drawings in my mouth* *drops them at your feet* *skitters away*
enjoy some schizophrenia / psychosis / mental health-based humor.
#had an exchange with someone very important to me that helped me work up the moxie necessary to get over my anxiety and post some of these#(you know who you are and i know you're reading this. ilusm and thank you for being in my life)#I'll schedule this post for later in the day. 100% I'm going to forget about doing that and be confused when I start getting notes for it#anyhoo#I wonder if I can rescue the mental health + journal comics I posted to Instagram and repost them here...#I mention my mental health journey fairly often on here but I feel I should clarify:#IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT SCHIZOPHRENIA / PSYCHOSIS / WHATEVER--- GO FOR IT! ASK ME THEM!#I won't be offended by genuine questions even if they're phrased a bit awkwardly or use language that might be less than perfect!#If you want to learn about stuff I will gladly describe my experience to the best of my ability! I don't mind whatsoever :>#not sure if that needed to be said or not but I figured I should say it just in case since I'm making a big ol' post that cracks jokes#I'm significantly removed from actively hallucinating and have made leaps and bounds in my emotional health so I'm in a great place now#mental health#mental health comic#mental illness#mental health humor#psychosis#schizophrenia#psychosis memes#schizophrenia art#humor#diary comic#diary comics#journal comic#journal comics#stuff by sofie
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